Doh!

So, yesterday, despite my ever growing to-do list, I determined to carve out my little chunk of time to try to finish last week's lesson, and complete one full lesson beyond that.  I opened up my book at the coffee shop and I was sooooooooooo excited! The lesson was on PROJECTS!! Using photoshop to create cards and photobooks and other artistic additions to photos.  I could hardly contain myself in public--so eager to begin that lesson I wanted to shout "woohooo!" Anyway, I began and was doing all sorts of cool things, learning about new menus and tons of options from backgrounds, styles of frames for pictures, etc.  The exercise had me dropping several of these frames, textures, graphics, backgrounds, etc into a favorites box to be used for the projects.  And then..the moment I had been waiting for- making a card.  That's my deal, ya know? I love making cards- even more so if it combines photography! So, I click on the "Greeting Card" button and wait for the new drop down menu to appear.  :( nope. Instead, an error code- "this size not available' or something like that.  There seems to be no way around it from the google search and suggested remedy.  I wonder if it has something to do with Windows8 on my computer that is supposedly not compatible with this version of photoshop.  My husband was able to load the program anyway, with some tricks found online- but perhaps this is the fall out?  I don't know.  But, man I was disappointed!  I am going to try to redo that portion of the lesson at some point on my desktop at home but wouldn't it be nice if the ONE thing I am most excited to create was available where all my pictures are stored?! :) I did get to work on a photo album though with no apparent problems, but didn't get to finish due to the trouble-shooting time taken with the other problem.  I am definitely getting into some exciting portions of my book now.  It's hard to not gravitate toward my computer to work on that rather than my other responsibilities!

Monday Learning

I can't describe how nice the past 2 Mondays have been- after work having a snippet of time to devote to photography.  Right now, the learning is mostly just on the photoshop piece and I am actually repeating the previously completed lessons because I need to walk through those steps on my laptop--and it's been a good review since so much time has elapsed.  I am grasping more this time and I don't know if it's just because it's the 2nd run through- or because of a setting that my mind can be completely devoted toward the task.  I do know- that is has been nothing short of wonderful! I have had schedule constraints the past 2 weeks but hopefully at least a few Mondays this summer- I will be able to stretch this learning and refreshment time to  an entire evening.  I am thinking I will continue the format of completing a lesson right after work with a cup of coffee (ahhhhh....) and then? I don't know.  Maybe do 2 lessons or I have thought about heading to Barnes and Noble to browse/read photography books to learn more of the photography side.  It feels so good to be learning and moving forward in a part of it.

My courage still falters often.  Why does that happen? :) Not sure.  But, my sweet, beautiful, niece is begging me to take some pics of her as we talked about a couple of months ago.  She will make it easy- so pretty and totally comfortable with the camera. I have not texted to arrange a time! It scares me to death to think that someone is going to travel, do their hair, set aside time, find clothing, etc, etc. and I might put them through all of that for nothing!  Conversely, I also know if I don't start just getting in there and practicing I won't improve.  I wish I didn't fight these insecurities! And you know, it's even more ridiculous that fear is ever on my mind because I have prayed so often that God would develop this for His glory (and maybe for my profit/enjoyment if He saw fit.) Before other photo shoots I have felt nervous and prayed that God would remove me and my ego- that He would guide me.  Each time I have done that, people have been blessed.  I have had some incredible gifts given back to me in words of appreciation- not in "You're so awesome" type comments- but things that are meaningful and to the heart, and--oh the glory--to the soul.  Seems impossible, doesn't it? But some of the photos have captured Love, Peace, Joy- they have reminded others of how they are loved, they have given families a snapshot of time and connection and generation.  

In the past 2 weeks I have been in 2 different homes and I have seen some portraits I took blown up- one on canvas, some others in black and white.  It is so rewarding to see them in a finished product and up on display.  In all honesty, I don't think it's just a stroke to my ego! ;) I have tried to decipher that.  It's something else.  My heart fills up with gratitude and happiness that I was able to freeze those special connections or moments or expressions for the enjoyment of others.  Beyond the portraits- even the scenic stuff is fulfilling.  I printed an ocean scene for my sister for Christmas.  It's on canvas and on their mantel.  Every time I see it, I remember the feeling of that sunrise and I see the way the sunlight gently, warmly backlit those crashing waves.  It's like you can feel the warmth coming off the canvas.  And EVERY time, for some reason, my mind repeats, "His mercies are new every morning." 

I don't know why I am writing all of this- except just to express to you, my straggler followers, that I see this thing as a gift from the Lord.  Not like, "Oh, how He's gifted me..." but any time, any growth, any success spent in this endeavor is wonderful to me and brings me to praise of Him.  I will have to guard that.  I hope I can grow in my trust and dependence on Him as I learn to cast aside insecurities and fear as I move forward.  

Inspired

I was thankful for this inspiration tonight---having been feeling pretty discouraged and dissatisfied with my photography development (or lack of.)  Beauty spurred me on to do what I intended-- just try to capture it, so that I can cherish it.  How quickly I turn impatient.  One day.... one day I hope I can be more patient.  (said lightheartedly, but earnestly)

Fence posts and woats

I finally got my chance to try to capture what my eye has been drawn to on my evening drives home.  I didn't get anything that I am ecstatic about but I will post a few anyway.  My children waited patiently in the car while I did my thing.  I carefully avoided barbed wire and snakes? in flip flops! (I didn't plan the shoe situation very well.) I am thinking I must have been holding my breath for  a lot of it.  Kinda funny--when I got back in the car I was a little breathless and weak-like I was coming down off an adrenaline rush!  Weird! I will have to remind myself to BREATHE from now on! 

It really doesn't capture what I was after...bummer.